Losing it all

For the last couple of months, the wife and I have been attending Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University through our local church. For the entire span of our marriage we've been in debt, and despite all the good intentions and plans that I may have conjured, we continue this pattern of money mismanagement. So we now sit at the foot of a man who has been on top of the mountain, only to loose it all, and then by the grace of God has been able to re-establish his footing.

Having read the stories about Mr. Ramsey, and having listen to several of his radio shows and read through a couple of his books, I find his advice and story encouraging. Despite the dire straits that I may be walking upon, I find courage that change can happen, and that with some honesty, communications, and grace that I too can enjoy the opportunities presented to my family.

Over the last couple of years I have spent several nights obsessing over the bills that have stacked up against us. I have questioned my ability to provide for my family, and more than several occasions I have lost total confidence in myself and my abilities as a father and husband. Not all dire situations affect me in the manner in which money issues affect me. Job challenges that maybe wrought with unattainable objectives typically drive me to find the critical path to overcome the hurdles. Attacks on me or even the illusion that I may have done something to wrong others, typically drive me to re-examine my own actions and decipher how I need to be more sensitive to how my actions or words evoke others to respond. However money simply takes the wind out of me, and I want to just curl up into the fetal position.

So my wife returned from her ever so exasperating trip to the west coast with stories of a presentation by Phil Vischer, the creator of the VeggieTales. The short version of Phil's plight in the world of Christian animation is that he created VeggieTales and it exceeded all expectations he had regarding it's popularity. As the mania grew, so did his aspirations of what VeggieTales and the Big Idea brand could become. So a series of events came to pass that saw Phil leverage the company, relationships, and himself to the point that ultimately left the company in bankruptcy and he lost his dream, passion, and more than ten years of his life's work. I'm sure I may have over stated the impact here, but the point is simply he overextended the dream to share with the world a message and talent that God had given him. After all this ordeal, he continues lending his voice for the characters he created, helps write scripts, and relishes the exposure that VeggieTales has received since it started airing on NBC on Saturday mornings. Obviously there are some unique and God opened doors in his story, but reading through some of the accounts of the rocky history, I get the sense that in the midst of the storm his confidence, ambition, and very self worth was shaken. And yet, bitterness couldn't be a descriptor of his attitude. He still has a hand, although intentionally limited and guarded, in the developments of the vegetable gang. The language he uses implies peace as he describes the fact that many of the individuals that helped propel VeggieTales success in the early days, who later were laid off, are once again pouring the energies into the developing story line of Bob, Larry, Pa Grape, Archibald, etc.

The silver lining that I take from both Phil and Dave, is that in spite of ourselves, God can work in us. In spite of our own failings, and the pain that it can (and will) cause, peace can be felt. I find it encouraging that although I'm confident that neither Phil or Dave would wish anyone to follow in their footsteps, the fact remains that their path isn't completely bleak. Even as they might have walked in the valley of darkness, they feared no evil, confident that the Lord was present. Sometimes presence is all we need. Sometimes, in absence of miracles, in the absence of words, the knowledge that we are not alone is what sustains us. There are and will be days that when our own short sightedness will get the best of us. There are and will be days when we are allowed to fall flat on our faces. These days don't necessarily represent God's absence, more times than not I believe these represent our own absence from God. I typically find that it is on these occasions when I fell God's presence more than ever. It is on these occasions when my own voice or others I have gathered around me aren't drowning out God's wisdom and counsel. The challenge of course it not to only be listening when I'm flat on my face or in dire straits. He's always present, his Spirit is always offering counsel. May I listen now. May I be conscious of his strength in my weakness, and his words in my silence.