Inconvenience

In an age where one can transverse the country in a matter of hours rather than days, I would say that we frequently forget the complex maze of dependencies that provide this feat of convenience. It is only when this delicate balance of dependencies is interrupted that the cord of convenience begins to quickly unravel.

I've only had brief experiences of this scene we can glibly label "inconvenience". I've sat in a plane on the tarmac in Austin, Texas for several hours, while our flight between Los Angeles and Dallas was waiting out thunderstorms at our destination. I've driven a rental car the thousand miles along Interstate 20 after mine and all flights were canceled following the events we know as September 11.

All these events were bothersome in many ways, but these few occurrences were manageable because I was the one sitting, waiting, negotiating, and simply passing the time. This weekend my bride counted on the convenience to deliver her to a west coast destination where she was scheduled for several days of renewal and retooling associated with her vocation. Her trip was interrupted almost immediately with an hour delay from her port of embankment. What transpired the the convening 36 hours has been nothing less that inconvenience. A frantic race through the DFW airport to catch a connecting flight that made it as far as the runway and back in a mere three hours and half hours. Constant jocking for spots on alternative flights with every other passenger that was scheduled to depart the airport on that Saturday afternoon and night. Continuous visits to the ticket counter, very hour on the hour to check available flights and standby listings, an additional two hour wait to see if the luggage would make the next flight, a hotel room that was given away for reasons that escaped the not-so-courteous attendant at the front desk, and finally 24 hours of activities never to be recaptured-monetarily and in mind share.

It may make for a good story in hind-sight, but as a husband who's tasked with the unattainable goal of fixing little girl''s hair, I find it difficult not to be able to lend a hand of comfort or resolution. I listen attentively, text feverishly, and even parlay this unraveling account to friends in such a passive way, that I find myself wishing to change places. I don't think the end results would be any different were me rather than her, but at least she would be insulated from the frustration that brings about tears and I wouldn't feel so helpless knowing that not only can't I reach out in comfort, but I can't actually reach out in vindication.

Such an episode makes one pause to consider future travel plans, even those arranged to bring loved ones home. The silver lining, if I can reach beyond the constraints of a self-imposed realist view point, is that despite the inconveniences, my beautiful bride is safe. Appropriate decisions were made following certain risk assessments, and for that I can not nor will I fault anyone. So I fall asleep knowing that despite well articulated business plans hinged on the benefit of convenience, like all other elements of our world Murphy's law is in play making note that things can and will disrupt the best plans available.

Amazng Mind

Next week I have several coworkers heading out to Searcy, Arkansas for a conference. This afternoon I was looking over the shoulder of one of the conference goers as he attempted to determine where he was going, and how he should get there. As he google mapped Searcy, I began to tell him what I remembered of Searcy. It's been over 25 years since I lived there, but looking over the map, I quickly began noting landmarks that I remembered. The house on Virgil street next to the old cemetery. Riding bikes in the parking lot of the Downtown church, which really wasn't downtown. Walking down Grand street with my dad on Saturday mornings from the apartments on Race street to the campus post office. The Kroger where we used to take glass soda bottles for the ten cent refund. The two screen movie theater on the main square where I saw Star Wars.

Despite the fact that I was less than ten years old, all these memories are so vivid. It is just amazing how clear the mind can hold onto and then play back. It may not be in high definition, and sometimes the memories can be jumbled, as if the frames have been placed out of sequence, for the most part it is accurate. I may forget the honey-doos that my bride has requested ten minutes ago, but tripping down memory lane seems to come so easily. It makes me scratch my head and marvel at how incredibly amazing is the technology that we struggle to artificially recreate with RAM and CPU power.

Living for tomorrow

This past Friday morning, I greeted a co-worker who returned the salutation with a desire for it to be Friday afternoon. I quickly pointed out that if it were Friday afternoon, we'd be that much closer to Monday morning. This morning, as I reached for the pot of coffee, this same co-worker greeted me with the information that we were five days away from the weekend.

One of the biggest struggles I face is procrastination. So often I subscribe to the philosophy, "why do today that which can be put off til tomorrow." Of course this outlook has the converse ability of bitting me in the butt. I've missed deadlines at the office, because I waited to the last minute to turn my attention to a pressing matter. I've had the humbling experience of utility services being cutoff, not because of lack of funding, but because I just hadn't gotten out to pay the bill. Nothing can be more frustrating to the misses than to come home with the water turned off or the power disconnected, knowing full well that the "disconnect" was solely my own.

I've yet again renewed my focus to be action oriented. I'm carrying a task list with me, with a full intention to close out my day with all the tasks crossed off. Rather than focusing on the bigger picture of a project or initiative, I'm in the mode to ask myself what action item needs to be done next. However, inevitably I face occasions when karma is against me. This evening, I went up to the office to complete two tasks on my list today. After spending ten minutes, I realized that I'd forgotten a piece of paper needed to complete one of the task. I was able to complete the other, but as I returned to my vehicle I found a parking ticket for leaving the van in a fire lane. So I'm 1 for 2 with a fine to boot. Faced with this knowledge, I'm ready to fill out tomorrow's list fully aware that tomorrow is another day. I guess the lesson to be learned, tomorrow is another opportunity to succeed, as long as we aren't neglecting the opportunities to be had today

Coping with Tragedy

For many of us, we've experience the loss of a grandparent, parent, or even friend. We've mourned the loss in various ways and managed through the grief that lingers, especially if the person was close to us. As we watch the evening news, we may experience sadness in learning about tragic deaths of parents, teenagers, and even children. For my family we attempt to shield our children from these news stories, partly because we are uncertain how our children will process the information and partly because we don't want to overexpose them to the cruel and tragic nature of this world (they'll get plenty exposure soon enough).

Recently a little girl was killed in our city by a drive by shooting. The little girl was asleep in her bed in the front of the house, which received the brunt of the spraying bullets. My children's bedroom faces the front of our house, and it was a matter of days before this event was the topic amongst my children's classmates. My oldest came home one day worried, about being killed in her sleep. So the last couple of weeks, my bride and I have tucked our children into bed, and prayed over them.

This morning I received a call that another little girl had been killed. This time it was a stabbing, but more importantly this time the child attended the same school as my children. Suddenly the tragic events across town were closure than ever. Its very probable that my middle child had played with this latest little girl, and so my wife and I are in the midst of preparing for the eventual questions my children will have.

I enter this preparation wanting to communicate to my kids that they are safe, loved, and that they shouldn't necessarily dwell on this recent event. At the same time I know that I can not completely protect them from everything. I don't want to fuel their anxiety or fears, but I also don't want to give them a false hope of security that "nothing bad will ever happen to them." I'm also unsure what questions they will have, and what information they have already processed.

Experts tell us that the first and most important thing we parents can do is tell and show our children that we love them. When talking about the subject, we should invite kids into our arms. There is reassurance in the clutches of a parent which will help when we don't have all the answers to the bewildering number of questions the children can submit. The second thing the experts tell us, is that we need to allow our children to ask the questions. It's not simply a process of answering the questions, but more about encouraging the children to share their concerns and questions. Finally the experts tell us to answer the questions we can with age appropriate responses. For younger children that view the world in concrete terms we answer them with concrete answers, being aware that every word is being held for future reference. For older children who have a sense of more abstract concepts, we can explain things in a more abstract manner. Of course the most difficult question to answer is that of WHY. Because this is more difficult, because this isn't always apparent in the news reports, because this is often the fuel for anxiety for my own children, this is what I'm most apprehensive about tackling with my kids.

When people told me that raising kids is difficult, I pretty certain they weren't talking about the schedules, homework, or diaper changing. The difficult part is guiding them through the maze of events in their life that often don't make sense or that we've taken for granted the significant impact they hold.